Joy

So I was reading a book today and in this particular chapter that I was reading I came across some lines about attaining true joy in one's life.
So here it is:
It's important to find joy in the short time you have.
Joy comes first from knowing the Lord, from having a personal relationship with Jesus.
Second, joy comes from your family, so it's more important who you marry than what you do for a living
Third, joy comes from having as little debt as possible. (not necessarily having lots of money but living within what you have)
Finally, a joyful life is one where you love your line of work. You'll never be sorry if you spend lifetime doing what you love. No matter how much money you make.

Pray for Healing

Okay. So I have a couple of friends who could really use some extra prayer right now.

First off, Michael Kraan. Last week he was driving and got t-boned by a semi-truck, was air lifted to the hospital and has been in a coma since then. He has improved a significant amount since then and things are pretty positive as to his condition. If you want the details his parents are keeping a blog for his progress
http://michaelweloveyou.tumblr.com/

Next off, Hunter Derish. Last week he got really sick and he was admitted to the hospital sometime in the past couple of days. His kidneys are failing, he's been put on a respirator and he's fighting for his life.

Prayer is such a powerful thing and with God anything is possible even in the grimmest of situations. He is a God of grace, mercy and healing. If you're reading this, please keep them in your thoughts and prayers!

Why I love gardening

Gardening is something that I've always loved to do. I find it very relaxing to dig in the dirt, squishing it in my hands and between my toes. I love watching seeds grow from sprouts to buds to full on plants that grow things. Also I find it quite relieving of stress to use any anger/tenseness to hack at the ground and tear weeds out of the ground. I've been working on the side garden at our new house for the past couple months. With countless hours of work it's gone from being weed-ridden and gross looking to decent but full of rocks to now halfway rockless. Soon we will be able to mix our potting soil and mushroom manure with the soil that's already there. After that, know what I can do? PLANT SEEDS AND SSSSSSSSStuff. I have yellow peppers, oregano, basil, snow peas, sugar snap peas, green beans, carrots, radishes, asparagus, raspberries, strawberries and blueberries. This will be fun :)
I've been gardening since I was in like grade 2. It started with my Grandma and Beppe. Both of my parents parents lived on farms and both had big veggie gardens. I would always go out with them and help them pick whatever they needed. Grandma taught me a very very useful life lesson while I was helping her, it was that weeds are the enemy. Always. Since then I if I garden I can't stand if I can see any weeds peeking through the surface so out they come.
I like to think that gardening has had an impact on my values and problem solving tactics. I'm not entirely sure though. I'd say that the tactics of a gardener would be that whenever a problem arose whether it be big or small they would dig dig dig down until the roots of the problem are exposed and can be removed as painlessly as possibly and so that it does not grow back. Also they must keep a close eye and devote a lot of time to keeping their garden weed free and the same with their life because if you leave a weed for too long it will become one of those pesky buggers that has roots 3 feet long that are grounded in the clay bed beneath the good soil (yes I have indeed experienced that over the past couple weeks.) A gardener will do what will provide the best growing environment for their crops/plants no matter the work it will take. The long and laborious hours are so very worth it when a few months later you're eating what you planted and you have so much that came from so little.
I'm hoping that all my time spent in the garden will translate into where my life takes me. Meaning when I have a family and little chilluns of my own running around screaming all over the place. ;)
That's all for now
Much love

screw logic.

love rarely listens to logic

you can try to run but it will follow

don't be scared to let love in

it isn't supposed to be easy

it brings joy and pain together

it warms your heart and tears you apart

but no matter how hard it is sometimes

love is from God in every way

as long as He is the foundation

anything is possible

love is possible

realize

no I can't spell it out for you
you know it's never gonna be that simple.
but if you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for eachother
and we'd never need another.
just realize what I just realized
then we'd never have to wonder
if we missed out on each other now.

♥Colbie Caillat

Proc...........

So. Procrastination. I am not proud to say that this is something that I do very well. If that's even possible. Can something that is so harmful to oneself be considered something done well? The point is, I'm quite good at putting things off and it's getting to be quite an annoyance. What I do is this: stress out because due date is getting close, put off assignment longer, stress out because due date is even closer, put off assignment even longer, day before assignment is due rolls along & have the whole day to work on assignment but instead... twiddle away time longer & at around 6 o'clock the evening before said assignment is due I, then begin my work... But not before stressing out majorly & overthinking the whole thing. Then I stay up until around 2AM writing.

Clearly I'm writing this for a reason. It's because my finals are right around the corner. By that I mean I have a 3 page paper that is due at 9 o'clock AM Monday morning that I have not started on yet. Last night I had a semi-intense mental breakdown about this assignment. The truly pathetic thing about this is that it happens pretty much any time I have homework. I suck. Majorly. And yet I never seem to learn. Actually I have learned, I just haven't acted on this newly acquired knowledge.

And so, here I sit, watching the first season of How I Met Your Mother, as I have been doing all day, because I have no life, and I'm writing the most comma filled sentence I ever have, and it continues. There. I need to finish this paper before Sunday because Sunday's my birthday & I most definitely will not be doing homework on my birthday. So Saturday night's the night. Saturday morning as well for the matter.

I bid thee farewell readers, I must get back to HIMYM & then go to sleep for I am getting my hair cut tomorrow morning at 830 so I'm getting up at 7 to shower.

And I've decided not to say goodbye because goodbye's suck. Almost as much as I do.
Until next time. Peace.

fleeting thoughts...

I hate how fleeting ideas are in my head. I'll be doing something or listening to one of the pastors

speak at church or youth or young adults and I'll get this great idea for a song... but when I go to 

write it down it's never the same as what I had thought of. This annoys the crap out of me. I think about

how many ideas have came and gone like that and I have resolved that I shall keep a pen and notebook on me 

at all times for those moments. Perhaps one day I'll be able to feed off of those ideas and create something

incredible. I really hope so.

Just.... chills...

Last night my youth group went on a bus trip to Southgate Church for Amp It UP!, a pre-event to a HUGE event called Rock the River! that's coming to the Fraser Valley on August 7th. I kind of went into this without knowing exactly what to expect, like there'd probably be some worship, some speaking. Let me just say, I left thinking 'THAT WAS AWESOME!!!'.

Imagine it: 600 ish kids/leaders all in one room, united for a common purpose - praising God & spreading His love. What better way is there to spend a Friday night? IMO, there isn't. Why? Because nothing can even come remotely close to comparing with music so loud that only God can hear you, dancing and jumping shamelessly because everyone else is doing the same, singing at the top of your lungs without worrying about singing the right notes or sounding good, sweat dripping down your spine because you're using all your energy to praise the Savior of your soul, arms raised to the heavens because that's the only plausible thing to do when you want to be closer to God and best of all: kids who usually feel uncomfortable expressing themselves in this way because they don't want to stick out. The thing is though, if they did this when they worshipped, it wouldn't stick out so much. I hope this catches and sticks among our youth, actually among all people. The passion shown is unbelievable. Not only that we can feel so much, but that we have a reason. We have a Savior who is the target of our passion and the reason that we can feel so much. Every time I think about last night, I get chills. In fact, last night for the last maybe 15 minutes? maybe, I had chills going up and down my spine. The Holy Spirit was definitely moving in that church last night.

Wow, my descriptions don't even do what happened last night justice. 

That whole room singing praise, arms high, at one point singing louder than the music with all of our voices combined. It makes me wonder what it would sound like to have the entire planet singing praise to His name...


When Phil Cann came up to talk, he only talked for like 5 minutes which was surprising, but he hit a chord on the heart strings of probably the majority of the people who were in that room. He talked about how only having the Spirit moving in that room wasn't enough because right now, the devil has the biggest youth group. Just because we come together and praise Him, worship Him, doesn't mean our job is done. We are called to be fishers of men. Our job is never done, we need to keep spreading the Gospel until the whole world hears if we can. We need to act out our faith, we need to be the difference we want to see. We can't only tell people about God's amazing love, we need to show it, we need to be His love. Love is more than just pretty words.

I seriously hope that that entire room of people was inspired to follow God's calling. When you do the math, if every single person in that room told about Jesus' love to their non-believing friends and just one of them accepted Jesus as their personal savior, that would be 600 saved souls. Seriously, SIX HUNDRED people experiencing for the first time or re-experiencing a hope beyond all and a love that eliminates fear. Here come the shivers again...

Let me just say that I hope the message sticks with the youth and the leaders. I hope that I am able to follow through on the challenge that was presented last night. It won't be easy and I run the risk of being unable to put completely into words what I'm trying to put forth, but I believe that if the opportunity presents itself to bring someone to God then He will provide me with words that can speak to the person directly.

I'm making it my personal goal to act out my faith. I will thank God for my food before I eat wherever I am, I will read my Bible every day, I will strive to attain a deeper relationship with my Father in Heaven for the rest of my life. I won't be so suckish at following through on my promises. If I need to I'll wake up at 4 am to spend time with God in the morning. I am inspired & hopeful once again!

GOD IS GOOD

Safety

Blankets & pillows. 

Two of my most favourite objects in the whole world. Why? Because. Because they are warm and comforting and when I wrap myself in a blanket it feels like the biggest hug in the whole world and you control it! You know how when you hug someone else and after a certain amount of time it just gets awkward, like either you or the other person slightly releases and then the moment's over? Well with a blanket things don't get awkward! Unless of course you're naked under the blanket and hiding it because someone's just opened your door... Anyway, moving on! Blankets are one of the first things that come to my mind when I'm thinking of things that make me feel safe. Not sure why though. For some reason warmth + comfort = safety is the equation in my head. It's like it makes you untouchable. Like wrapped in the cocoon makes you unbreakable, invincible even! It's like when I was little and used to tie my blanket like a cape around my neck and pretend to be Superman. When I used to be scared at night that something would happen and maybe if I tucked my blankets around me really tight then nothing would. When I used to hide under my blankets with a lamp so I could read my book at night without Mom catching me and making me dream my own stories.

Pillows fit into this because generally when I think blanket I think bed and sleep and I can't sleep without my pillow. When I'm going to sleep it's like all other thoughts just vanish from my head. I've never ever been kept awake at night because something's been on my mind. It's like my bed is my safe haven from everything in the world. Nothing can get me.

Movie + blanket = ♥

Book  + blanket = better than previous

Either of these in bed = best of all.

I ♥ BLANKET!

because

Because when I dream about you at night I wonder what my brain is trying to tell me...

Wait.

"TAG! Hey everyone Nicole's it! Nicole's it, had a fit, kissed a boy and married it!"
"HAHAHAHA! Nicole kissed a booooooy!"
"Ewww guys!! That's gross!"

Oh how things do change. I remember the days when boys were yucky. When we didn't care about them giving us attention. When they had cooties and were weird. The last thing on your mind was who you were going to end up with in the future because recess was almost over and you hadn't had your turn on the swings yet!

Funny how now that's all different. Earlier I was thinking about this and how now all I want is to find that boy. All I want is to get the rest of my life started because it really does NOT feel like it's going anywhere very fast. I've realized that every day spent doing something meaningless is one less day of going out and trying to find him. Every day spent piddling my time away is one less day to love him. When will he come? When will he rescue me from all my thinking. Will he sweep me off my feet? Will it be love at first sight? Do I know him already? If not, when and where will we meet? Does he know Jesus? What does he look like?

The questions go on.

I was reading peoples' facebook statuses the other day and there was one that really stood out. It said "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."
I want to be that woman. I want to lose myself in God. I hope that the day never comes that I'll be satisfied with where I stand with Christ because that day will be the end of striving for more. So long as I strive for more though I will always be growing. As long as I'm growing, even if it's only a millimeter a day and I feel like I'm at a snail's pace, at least I'm moving on, pushing forward and learning. As long as I never stand still I will not be lukewarm.

Anyway, like I was saying about boys. I would give anything to find mine, kiss him and marry him. When I watch chick flicks I'm always struck by how much I want that love, how much I want to be cherished by someone that special to me. Then I chide myself because I'm getting ahead of myself and not waiting on God. I remember that He wants us to wait on His timing because it is perfect. I must be patient. It will happen when it's supposed to, all I have to do is wait for that day. All I have to do is prepare myself to be the woman He wants me to be for him. All I have to do is pray for him, read His word and try to grow in Him. Compared to what God does for me, I have life pretty easy. Even though it sounds easier than it is, I'm going to try to worry less about my future because I know His plans for me are good and prosperous and not harmful. He loves me and that's all that matters. I just need to wait on His timing not mine...

only thing between...

here we are
separated
by what makes us who we are
the current's so strong
there's no way we'll make it through
so we remain divided by the water.

so here we stand
same place we were before
same ground but different shores
and because these bridges
take so long to build
the only thing between us is the water

Remember

Merry Christmas

May God bless you, your friends and all your family monstrously on this day and for the year to come.
Remember why we celebrate, what the most valuable gift we`ve been given is.
Jesus Christ. God gave His son to the world. He gave his life so that we may live.
Remember.

♥♥

When you love someone you say their name different.

Like it's safe inside your mouth.

♥

Oh how I do love my life.

God has made everything awesome.

It's brimming full with the people I love

And people who love me back.

I'm so extremely thankful for everyone who He has put in my life.

I'm so blessed in every way imaginable:

• to be able to go to school and learn.
• To be able to earn an honest living, not resorting to anything extreme.
• To be able to sleep in a warm, cozy bed every night
• to have three meals a day plus snacking in between
• to be not only be capable, but supported enough to fulfill my dreams
• to have a healthy family
• to have friends who help me to become better and who listen to me when I need to vent (which doesn't happen very often)
• to not have to deal with anything that I can't handle
• to have the ability to constantly change into who I want to be

There is so much more that I have to be thankful for too. Sometimes though I seem to take it for granted. I know I shouldn't but it can be hard. We all have those 'I wish I had ' moments, but they pass. Usually those things you desire pass as well or they get old really fast. It's so not worth it to accumulate material things, they just end up taking up space that could be used for something much more worthwhile like having a friend over for the night. Time to clean up this mess and get rid of the junk that's been cluttering my life and my room... Really though, I suck at keeping a tidy room.
Anywho, I should be getting to my studying which I've been whining about having too little time to do. Adios. 

You don't have to be alone

I'm reading Ecclesiastes and pondering on one of the usual passages that you hear out of it. The whole "two are better than one" deal. The thing is though, usually when this passage comes up you don't hear the whole of it, just the positive angle, what we want to focus on. Even as I read it I kind of skimmed the verses ahead and focused on 9-12. Anyway, here's the whole of it:

  There was a man all alone;

     he had neither son nor brother.

  There was no end to his toil,

     yet his eyes were not content

           with his wealth.

  "For whom am I toiling," he asked

     "and why am I depriving myself of

           enjoyment?"

  This too is meaningless -

     a miserable business!

  Two are better than one,

    better they have a good return for their work:

  If one falls down,

    his friend can help him up!

  Also, if two lie down together, they

         will keep warm.

    But how can one keep warm alone?

  Though one may be overpowered,

    two can defend themselves.

  A cord of three strands is not quickly

        broken.

I can understand why people would only want to focus on the more positive angle of this, but personally I like to look at the whole story. I like to know background and context. If someone has experienced something negative I want to know what it was like for them so that I can decide for myself what I'll do if I'm ever faced with a similar scenario. 

Anyway. This is Biblical proof that man is not destined to be alone. Whether it means that you'll live with a couple good friends by your side or a crowd of people who love you, you will never be alone. Of course we all have the odd moment where we feel like there's nobody out there for us or that no one cares about our thoughts and emotions. Even in those moments we have the blessed assurance that Jesus is carrying us through. In your loneliest moments, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. It's like it says in that poem by Margaret Powers, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

Going through life alone is overrated. Sure you're independent, you can take care of yourself, you don't want to burden other people with your troubles. The excuses could go on forever. The truth of the matter though is this: everybody wants somebody. Somebody to share your load, to take care of you when you're feeling alone and scared, someone that you can depend on because you've been depending on yourself for as long as you can remember. If you have a longing to be with someone 'til death do you part', chances are quite good that God has that planned in your future. You just need to wait on Him. Live by His time. I know it's hard to do, but result will be amazing. Wait on Him.

If you look out into your life, at all your family, your friends, even people who you spend time around but don't really know; they care about you and what you're going through. If they are truly worth your time they want to take your burden because it hurts them to watch you carry it alone. It makes it loads easier to walk through life without the whole weight on you alone. I know you probably tell yourself that you don't want to burden them with your issues, so tell yourself the truth! Admit that you just can't stand letting go. You need to stop letting your past define who you are. The only way to move forward is by letting go of what holds you back....

Time to Trust

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own

understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths

straight.

So I was reading my Bible this morning and I'm currently in Proverbs. While going through chapter 3, these two verses really stuck out to me. I realized how much of a fair-weather friend I am sometimes. I really haven't been pouring all my heart out to Him - not all the time. I wish I could say I had. That would make my life so much easier if I was able to completely let go of all of my issues and let Him guide me in dealing with them. The only thing is, it's hard to let go.

I've had this thought in my head for a while now that the only way you can move forward is by letting go. Eventually everything that you've shackled onto yourself is going to add up and end up as a dead-weight on the end of the chain you're dragging. You'll be looking ahead but thinking behind. You'll think you're still moving, but in actuality it's like you're on a moving path but you're going nowhere because of how much the past is weighing you down.

When I pondered over these verses for a little while, a kind of translation of them came to mind: Imagine walking by yourself down a winding path covered in brambles, with stones jutting out of the ground and deep pits all over. How hard is it to walk down that path and avoid all the obstacles? It's pretty hard. If you trip and tumble into one of those pits you're pretty much done for. That's when you wish that you'd been walking down the path with someone else.
This is where God comes in, though He's been there all along and you just haven't noticed because you're too busy trying to get yourself over the brambles and stones and around the pits. When you're stuck in the pit, God is the only one who can lift you out. Trust in Him and He will rescue you. If you keep putting your trust in Him after you're out of the pit He will deal with the obstacles and make your path straight. Imagine the relief of a straight path with no obstacles. I have to say, that's the path that I'd prefer to be on.

I think that I have realized this before, but I've never really acted on it. Now though, it will be one of my goals to fully rely on God and place all of my trust in Him, not myself.
I've had enough of trying to lean on my own shoulders, of trying to carry all of my burdens alone, of trying to figure out my own solutions. Time to let it go. Time to move forward. Time to trust.

dotdotdot

your smile affects me more than you'd think you take over my thoughts with only a blink if only you knew just how i feel with a glance of your eyes my heart you'd steal i'm thinking of you and what you said these thoughts won't stop running through my head...

don't give up

cause you gotta

sing out loud and

dance around and

never forget the good you've got

and when you're feeling down and out

just believe that you can

sing out loud and

dance around and

hold your head hight

and believe that you can fly

on my knees

Lord I wanna see your face

Won't you come into this place

And fill me with your love.

After all is said and done

You'll still be the only one

Who died for me

Now I see

I'm on my knees 

I'm on my knees 

I need Your love inside of me

You're all I need

You're all I need

Lord I'm full of pain and strife

Won't you come into my life

And take it all away

Father please set us apart

Now I ask you with my heart

To come and stay

This I pray

I'm on my knees 

I'm on my knees 

I need Your love inside of me

You're all I need

You're all I need

You say that with You

I can move mountains

And with You

I can walk on stormy seas

And so I pray

That I can find a way

To trust You at all times

I'm on my knees 

I'm on my knees 

I need Your love inside of me

You're all I need

You're all I need