Proc...........

So. Procrastination. I am not proud to say that this is something that I do very well. If that's even possible. Can something that is so harmful to oneself be considered something done well? The point is, I'm quite good at putting things off and it's getting to be quite an annoyance. What I do is this: stress out because due date is getting close, put off assignment longer, stress out because due date is even closer, put off assignment even longer, day before assignment is due rolls along & have the whole day to work on assignment but instead... twiddle away time longer & at around 6 o'clock the evening before said assignment is due I, then begin my work... But not before stressing out majorly & overthinking the whole thing. Then I stay up until around 2AM writing.

Clearly I'm writing this for a reason. It's because my finals are right around the corner. By that I mean I have a 3 page paper that is due at 9 o'clock AM Monday morning that I have not started on yet. Last night I had a semi-intense mental breakdown about this assignment. The truly pathetic thing about this is that it happens pretty much any time I have homework. I suck. Majorly. And yet I never seem to learn. Actually I have learned, I just haven't acted on this newly acquired knowledge.

And so, here I sit, watching the first season of How I Met Your Mother, as I have been doing all day, because I have no life, and I'm writing the most comma filled sentence I ever have, and it continues. There. I need to finish this paper before Sunday because Sunday's my birthday & I most definitely will not be doing homework on my birthday. So Saturday night's the night. Saturday morning as well for the matter.

I bid thee farewell readers, I must get back to HIMYM & then go to sleep for I am getting my hair cut tomorrow morning at 830 so I'm getting up at 7 to shower.

And I've decided not to say goodbye because goodbye's suck. Almost as much as I do.
Until next time. Peace.

fleeting thoughts...

I hate how fleeting ideas are in my head. I'll be doing something or listening to one of the pastors

speak at church or youth or young adults and I'll get this great idea for a song... but when I go to 

write it down it's never the same as what I had thought of. This annoys the crap out of me. I think about

how many ideas have came and gone like that and I have resolved that I shall keep a pen and notebook on me 

at all times for those moments. Perhaps one day I'll be able to feed off of those ideas and create something

incredible. I really hope so.

Just.... chills...

Last night my youth group went on a bus trip to Southgate Church for Amp It UP!, a pre-event to a HUGE event called Rock the River! that's coming to the Fraser Valley on August 7th. I kind of went into this without knowing exactly what to expect, like there'd probably be some worship, some speaking. Let me just say, I left thinking 'THAT WAS AWESOME!!!'.

Imagine it: 600 ish kids/leaders all in one room, united for a common purpose - praising God & spreading His love. What better way is there to spend a Friday night? IMO, there isn't. Why? Because nothing can even come remotely close to comparing with music so loud that only God can hear you, dancing and jumping shamelessly because everyone else is doing the same, singing at the top of your lungs without worrying about singing the right notes or sounding good, sweat dripping down your spine because you're using all your energy to praise the Savior of your soul, arms raised to the heavens because that's the only plausible thing to do when you want to be closer to God and best of all: kids who usually feel uncomfortable expressing themselves in this way because they don't want to stick out. The thing is though, if they did this when they worshipped, it wouldn't stick out so much. I hope this catches and sticks among our youth, actually among all people. The passion shown is unbelievable. Not only that we can feel so much, but that we have a reason. We have a Savior who is the target of our passion and the reason that we can feel so much. Every time I think about last night, I get chills. In fact, last night for the last maybe 15 minutes? maybe, I had chills going up and down my spine. The Holy Spirit was definitely moving in that church last night.

Wow, my descriptions don't even do what happened last night justice. 

That whole room singing praise, arms high, at one point singing louder than the music with all of our voices combined. It makes me wonder what it would sound like to have the entire planet singing praise to His name...


When Phil Cann came up to talk, he only talked for like 5 minutes which was surprising, but he hit a chord on the heart strings of probably the majority of the people who were in that room. He talked about how only having the Spirit moving in that room wasn't enough because right now, the devil has the biggest youth group. Just because we come together and praise Him, worship Him, doesn't mean our job is done. We are called to be fishers of men. Our job is never done, we need to keep spreading the Gospel until the whole world hears if we can. We need to act out our faith, we need to be the difference we want to see. We can't only tell people about God's amazing love, we need to show it, we need to be His love. Love is more than just pretty words.

I seriously hope that that entire room of people was inspired to follow God's calling. When you do the math, if every single person in that room told about Jesus' love to their non-believing friends and just one of them accepted Jesus as their personal savior, that would be 600 saved souls. Seriously, SIX HUNDRED people experiencing for the first time or re-experiencing a hope beyond all and a love that eliminates fear. Here come the shivers again...

Let me just say that I hope the message sticks with the youth and the leaders. I hope that I am able to follow through on the challenge that was presented last night. It won't be easy and I run the risk of being unable to put completely into words what I'm trying to put forth, but I believe that if the opportunity presents itself to bring someone to God then He will provide me with words that can speak to the person directly.

I'm making it my personal goal to act out my faith. I will thank God for my food before I eat wherever I am, I will read my Bible every day, I will strive to attain a deeper relationship with my Father in Heaven for the rest of my life. I won't be so suckish at following through on my promises. If I need to I'll wake up at 4 am to spend time with God in the morning. I am inspired & hopeful once again!

GOD IS GOOD

Safety

Blankets & pillows. 

Two of my most favourite objects in the whole world. Why? Because. Because they are warm and comforting and when I wrap myself in a blanket it feels like the biggest hug in the whole world and you control it! You know how when you hug someone else and after a certain amount of time it just gets awkward, like either you or the other person slightly releases and then the moment's over? Well with a blanket things don't get awkward! Unless of course you're naked under the blanket and hiding it because someone's just opened your door... Anyway, moving on! Blankets are one of the first things that come to my mind when I'm thinking of things that make me feel safe. Not sure why though. For some reason warmth + comfort = safety is the equation in my head. It's like it makes you untouchable. Like wrapped in the cocoon makes you unbreakable, invincible even! It's like when I was little and used to tie my blanket like a cape around my neck and pretend to be Superman. When I used to be scared at night that something would happen and maybe if I tucked my blankets around me really tight then nothing would. When I used to hide under my blankets with a lamp so I could read my book at night without Mom catching me and making me dream my own stories.

Pillows fit into this because generally when I think blanket I think bed and sleep and I can't sleep without my pillow. When I'm going to sleep it's like all other thoughts just vanish from my head. I've never ever been kept awake at night because something's been on my mind. It's like my bed is my safe haven from everything in the world. Nothing can get me.

Movie + blanket = ♥

Book  + blanket = better than previous

Either of these in bed = best of all.

I ♥ BLANKET!

because

Because when I dream about you at night I wonder what my brain is trying to tell me...

Wait.

"TAG! Hey everyone Nicole's it! Nicole's it, had a fit, kissed a boy and married it!"
"HAHAHAHA! Nicole kissed a booooooy!"
"Ewww guys!! That's gross!"

Oh how things do change. I remember the days when boys were yucky. When we didn't care about them giving us attention. When they had cooties and were weird. The last thing on your mind was who you were going to end up with in the future because recess was almost over and you hadn't had your turn on the swings yet!

Funny how now that's all different. Earlier I was thinking about this and how now all I want is to find that boy. All I want is to get the rest of my life started because it really does NOT feel like it's going anywhere very fast. I've realized that every day spent doing something meaningless is one less day of going out and trying to find him. Every day spent piddling my time away is one less day to love him. When will he come? When will he rescue me from all my thinking. Will he sweep me off my feet? Will it be love at first sight? Do I know him already? If not, when and where will we meet? Does he know Jesus? What does he look like?

The questions go on.

I was reading peoples' facebook statuses the other day and there was one that really stood out. It said "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."
I want to be that woman. I want to lose myself in God. I hope that the day never comes that I'll be satisfied with where I stand with Christ because that day will be the end of striving for more. So long as I strive for more though I will always be growing. As long as I'm growing, even if it's only a millimeter a day and I feel like I'm at a snail's pace, at least I'm moving on, pushing forward and learning. As long as I never stand still I will not be lukewarm.

Anyway, like I was saying about boys. I would give anything to find mine, kiss him and marry him. When I watch chick flicks I'm always struck by how much I want that love, how much I want to be cherished by someone that special to me. Then I chide myself because I'm getting ahead of myself and not waiting on God. I remember that He wants us to wait on His timing because it is perfect. I must be patient. It will happen when it's supposed to, all I have to do is wait for that day. All I have to do is prepare myself to be the woman He wants me to be for him. All I have to do is pray for him, read His word and try to grow in Him. Compared to what God does for me, I have life pretty easy. Even though it sounds easier than it is, I'm going to try to worry less about my future because I know His plans for me are good and prosperous and not harmful. He loves me and that's all that matters. I just need to wait on His timing not mine...

only thing between...

here we are
separated
by what makes us who we are
the current's so strong
there's no way we'll make it through
so we remain divided by the water.

so here we stand
same place we were before
same ground but different shores
and because these bridges
take so long to build
the only thing between us is the water